


How to save a life

by madnessofsorts



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes-centric, M/M, flash backs, i will add more tags as time goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-10-16 23:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10581282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madnessofsorts/pseuds/madnessofsorts
Summary: Bucky's life was shit. This is the story of what  made it so shitty.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, wow another fic what is happening?  
> No betas so any mistakes let me know.  
> Feedback would be nice too!

Bucky should have known it was far to good to be true. Why should he get to have happiness in his life? What did he ever do to deserve it? An even better question was what did he ever do to deserve to have Steve in his life. Nothing, that is what. And he knew that, which was how he got to the point where he was now. Sitting on a roof in the pouring rain with a bottle of vodka in his hand. The rain drops mixed in with the tears that fell from his blue eyes as he took another swig of the drink. It wasn't like he had to think of when his life went to shit, he knew the exact moment.  
It all started eleven years ago. Bucky was ten years old and in the car with his dad. They were going someplace, he couldn’t remember where anymore. He wish he could. It seemed like every day his memories of his father went farther and farther away from him. The only things he could remember was that it was a rainy night. There was suppose to be a hurricane hitting that night but it had shifted away from where Bucky lived. However, the wind and rain were still strong. Bucky was sat in the front seat with his dad, watching the trees go by, listening to his father sing along with the radio. That was right before he heard his father let out a sharp breath, something he had never heard his father do before, as his right arm moved to protect the small boy covering the brunettes chest. Bucky didn’t know what his dad was doing. Turning his head he saw his dad’s face. Fear was written all over.  
“Dad?” He questioned, his small hand moving to touch his dads arm. That was the last thing he remembered from that night before darkness overtook his vision. The last night Bucky Barnes was actually happy. It wasn’t for another few days did he actually wake up.  
It was morning when his eyes finally opened. The sun was shinning through the window and birds were flying around. Complete opposite from the last time his eyes were opened. The brunette tried to sit up but let out a hiss of pain when he put pressure on his left arm. Instantly, his eyes darted over to look to see what happened. Just as he did so, a nurse and his mother, Winifred, walked in. Fear, just like on his fathers face, was showing when he saw his arm was covered. Bucky looked over to his mom, the same expression on his face. What happened? Where was he? Where was his dad? All of these questions ran through his mind as the nurse walked over and began to check his vitals. He couldn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say. No one else had said anything either. Why wasn’t anyone talking? Did he do something he wasn’t suppose to? Where they upset with him? Bucky searched his mom’s face trying to find answers to all of his questions. But all he could see was sadness.  
“Mama?” He said as she walked over to him, his eyebrows furrowed making him wince when he felt a tug on what apparently was a cut. His mom ran her fingers through his locks as the nurse smiled sadly at the boy as she carefully removed the bandages that were covering his left arm.  
“I’m glad to see you awake, James.” She said as she threw the bandage in the trash. Bucky turned his attention back to his arm, not caring what the nurse lady had to say. He didn’t want to talk to her. He wanted to see why his arm was covered. His mouth opened in shock as he saw the stitches and bruises that covered his arm. Some dried blood was left in places. No wonder it hurt so much.  
“It still has a long way to go, but it’s healing properly so far. ” She said to his mom, not him has she cleaned the wounds up before she turned to walk out leaving Bucky and his mom alone in the room. Bucky couldn’t look away from his arm. Now that he had seen what it looked like, how would he be able to look away? How would anyone look at him after seeing that? Tears were forming in his eyes.  
“Oh sweetheart…” His mother sat down on the edge of the bed, carefully bringing her son into her arms. Bucky squeezed his eyes shut as the tears began to fall. He never sobbed out loud, not even when he was younger. He was a quiet cryer and it broke his mothers heart. What made this situation even harder for her was she knew she was going to have to tell him about his father soon but she didn’t know how. She was still grieving herself. Winifred carefully wrapped an arm around the small child and kissed his head, tears running down her face and landing on Bucky’s head.  
“I’m so sorry…” She whispered into his hair. Bucky’s body shuttered under her touch. Winifred felt Bucky’s tears fall onto her arm. Without saying another word, she wiped the tears from her sons face with the padding of her thumb. Words wouldn’t be able to fix anything right now. She knew that. But She had her Bucky. At least she didn’t lose him… Yet.  
—————  
With everything that had happened with the crash, Bucky remembered that moment as clear as day. He remembered his mother telling him his father wouldn’t be coming back. That it was just going to be the two of them for now on. Bucky didn’t just lose his dad that day, he lost a part of himself too. Looking up at the sky, he let the tears continue to fall silently down his face. Just like they did that day. Only now his mother wasn’t there to clear them away. At least he wouldn’t disappoint her anymore. He wouldn’t be doing much of anything anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is 15 in this chapter.   
>  Steve and Pierce are introduced into Bucky's life (WARNING OF SOME VIOLENCE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No betas so any mistakes let me know.  
> Feedback would be nice too!

It had been a few years since Bucky had to pack up his stuff and move to New York with his mother. Bucky was fifteen years old, being homeschooled, but not much had really changed since the move much to his mothers dismay. That was why his mother decided to make a change this year. She knew it was a big change. But her son needed to get out of the house. Bucky had been sulking around the house everyday for five years, hardly ever going outside. He was paler than she thought possible and he looked unwell. She couldn’t even leave that often without worrying about him. Winifred didn’t know it was possible for Bucky to be even more depressed than he was, but upon hearing he was going to be going to an actual school once the summer ended, Bucky’s mood got even worse. Winifred was hoping for a miracle to happen. But each day, the idea of a miracle happening got smaller and smaller.   
Bucky could remember seeing the worry in his mothers eyes. He could still see the worry as he sat upon the roof. He felt bad for making his mother worry so much, he felt bad that she couldn't do what she wanted to do because she always stayed at the apartment with him. Maybe if he didn’t act like he did then, he wouldn’t be in the situation he was in. If he actually went outside when they first moved there, maybe he would have met Steve sooner and he would have felt better. Just as he could remember the look on his mothers face, he could remember the day he met Steve. Probably one of the only happy memories of that time in his life. 

Bucky had promised his mom he would get out of the house while she went to apply for a job. It was his way of trying to be cooperative for her, the brunennete knew how much his mother was hurting. Bucky put on his long sleeve shirt and jacket before he headed out the door. His mother was sitting on the sofa going through the newspaper watching as he left. Bucky didn't see it, but his mother had smiled for the first time that day in five years. Was this the miracle she had been searching for?   
Bucky put his headphones in as he headed down the streets. Nothing was playing, he just didn’t want anyone to talk to him. That seemed to work until he got to the park and a kid ran into his arm. Bucky froze as soon as the contact was made. No one had touched his left arm in five years. Even he did his best not to touch it. The scars were there as a reminder of what happened. Of the pain and ugliness that he had become and now someone had touched it.   
Bucky didn’t even realized the kid was talking to him. Not until he saw a hand wave in front of his face. 

“Hello? Are you okay?” The blonde kid asked. Nodding his head frantically, Bucky backed away causing the blonde to tilt his head to the side. 

“Sorry for running into you, m Steve.” The blonde kid said, offering Bucky a sympathetic smile. 

“It’s fine.” Bucky mumbled, look past Steve. 

“I should go.” He quickly added as he went to move by the other. Steve didn’t say anything to Bucky as he watched him run off. Did he hurt Bucky? Steve was about to run after the brunette when he looked down and noticed a polaroid on the ground. Steve looked towards the direction Bucky ran then back down realising it was the other kids.   
Steve didn’t even give it a second thought. After picking up the picture, Steve instantly ran towards Bucky who had headed towards the wooded trail area. Once Steve finally caught up with Bucky, the blonde was out of breath as he was wheezing to say the brunettes name. This caught Bucky off guard. Turning around, Bucky placed his hands on either side of Steve’s arms as he saw the other starting to double over. 

“What? Hey, what’s going on?” he questioned not sure what to really do at this point. Steve reached his hand out and had placed it on Bucky’s left arm, causing the brunette to freeze once more, but he had to make sure Steve was okay. He had to put his problems aside. 

“Steve, follow my breathing.” Bucky pulled Steve closer. It didn’t take long for Steve to finally get his breathing back to normal.

“You dropped this.” Steve said with a huff, offering the picture. Bucky carefully took the picture back and said a soft thanks as he ran his hands through his hair.

Steve may had been the best thing that had happened to Bucky since the passing of his father. The blonde had brought some good into his life. He brought smiles back to Bucky’s face, it was almost as if things were getting better. But as everyone know, where there is good there is bound to be bad. That bad appeared in Bucky's life a few weeks later when his mother met Alexander pierce. Bucky didn't know why, but he didn't like the man from the beginning. Something was off about him but he couldn't place what exactly it was.   
Whenever pierce was around, Bucky always managed to sneak out of the apartment. He didn't have anywhere to go except one place. Steve's. it was almost like clock work. Steve knew when Bucky would be around more often then not and already had things for them to do. Such as a star wars movie marathon, or they would do homework Steve knew Bucky hadn't finished yet in school. 

One night however, Bucky knew Alexander was going to come over when his mom got him so he had already packed his bag and wrote a note placing it on the counter. He didn't expect to run into anyone as he left. Especially not pierce himself. As Bucky opened the door pierce's figure came into view. The man blocking the entry way. The brunette didn't know what to say so he just stepped aside, keeping his gaze away from the taller. This was the first time Bucky had been alone with Pierce since his mom had met him. 

"Where do you think you're heading?" pierces voice boomed. The room felt still yet his voice shook every bone in bucky’s body. 

"To Steve’s" he mumbled out, still not wanting to interact with the other.

"Look at someone when they speak to you, boy!" Pierce practically yelled as his hand gripped bucky’s arm. The bag he had in his right hand fell to the ground. He couldn't move. The world had stopped and Bucky was trapped. He could see the car accident happen again right before his eyes, his dad placing his arm across buckys chest yelling it's going to be okay over the sounds of everything else that was around. Bucky didn't even know he was shaking until he came to the realization somewhere between pierce grabbing him and that moment he had ran out of the apartment. 

Not slowing down, Bucky ran the rest of the way to steve's house and flew the front door open. Steve's mom always said he didn't have to knock. But he always did. That's what surprised Steve at first when he saw his friend. 

Jumping from his spot on the sofa, Steve rushed over to Bucky and wrapped him in his arms like he did when they first met.   
Steve said nothing. He knew Bucky wouldn’t speak if he didn’t want to so there was no point in pressuring the other to talk about it. Steve was really worried, he had never seen Bucky this way before. Sure, he had seen moments where Bucky was jumpy, but he had never seen him so afraid. What had happened? 

“‘M sorry.. Just my thoughts.” Bucky mumbled out a lie after a few moments as he slowly pulled away. He felt bad for intruding like this, he felt bad for ruining the fun they were suppose to have. Bucky just felt bad in general, he didn’t want to put all this crap onto Steve. Besides, who knew what Pierce would do if he found out Bucky had told Steve what had happened. Steve kept his hand on Bucky’s shoulder as he read his friends face, searching the others eyes.

“C’mon, let’s get a drink.” Steve said, sliding his hand down from Bucky’s shoulder do his hand so he could lead the other into the kitchen. Bucky followed along silently. Steve released the hold he had of Bucky’s hand once they got into the kitchen. He gave one last look at Bucky before he pulled out to glasses and the lemonade and poured a glass for the both of them. 

“Thanks.” The brunette said, taking the glass from Steve. The blonde nodded and drank the drink, placing it down once he was finished.

“So, Star wars or x-files?” Steve questioned knowing Bucky would want a distraction for a while. This was probably one of the reasons Bucky was slowly falling for his friend, he knew what he needed without even speaking. Steve was always there for him even though they had met only a month prior, but if he hadn’t met the blonde, he didn’t know what he would do. He needed Steve more than he liked to admit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on twitter:  
> @Lnfinitystone
> 
> Instagram: __Mle

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter:  
> @Lnfinitystone
> 
> Instagram: __Mle


End file.
